Managerial harassment: how to react when you are a victim of your supervisor?

When the stalking comes from a colleague, it's already hard to live with. But when it comes from a hierarchical superior, everything becomes even more complex: fear of reprisals, feeling illegitimate, isolation, permanent doubt, questioning.”Is it really harassment or just “tough” management?” This is a question that thousands of employees ask themselves every day without daring to talk about it.

However, the reality is there: Managerial harassment exists, often in an insidious way, sometimes even invisible. And what makes it even more complex is that 36% of managers admit to having already had potentially harassing behaviors in their careers. Before awareness-raising, only 6% were aware of it. Not out of a desire to hurt, but because norms, pressure, and a culture of results can slide into toxic practices, often without the victim himself being able to put words to it. Besides, 43% of employees do not know how to accurately identify workplace harassment situations, and 3 out of 4 consider these situations to be widespread.

So, how do you react when your manager is going overboard? How to make the distinction between legitimate authority and psychological violence? How do you protect yourself, make yourself heard, and take action?

*Source: The workplace harassment barometer - Qualisocial x Ipsos (2022)

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Understand what managerial harassment is

The stalking managerial is not just a demanding, direct or hurried manager. It is a drift into the relationship of authority, where hierarchical power is used to destabilize, intimidate or weaken an employee. The law speaks of repeated acts whose object or effect is a deterioration of working conditions, which undermine the dignity or the physical or mental health of the employee. Concretely: it is not a strife punctual or a clumsy remark, but an established pattern, which is long-term.

These behaviors can be visible... or discreet.

They can take the form of:

• Of remarks Humiliating or demeaning, sometimes under the guise of humor;
• Of reflector aggressive in a meeting, in front of the team;
• OFunachievable goals, imposed without resources or support;
• Of a sidelined voluntary: exclusion from meetings, information not transmitted;
• Of a vetting inordinate, infantilizing, intrusive;
• Of threats veiled around the evolution, the evaluation, the position.

The stalking managerial often starts with small things (a condescending tone, extra pressure, mockery...) but when they are repeated and established, they erode trust,Self-esteem, the feeling of safety at work.

The trickiest thing about managerial harassment is that it often occurs in the gray zone: a mixture of pressure, remarks, and contradictory injunctions which end up weakening. No explosion, no violent gesture, nothing spectacular. But a climate that, day after day, wears out and attacks in depth.

Why is it not so easy to identify or report managerial harassment?

Being a victim of managerial harassment is more than “seeing” what is going on. Often, we experience it before we manage to formulate it.. We cash in, we adapt, we endure, sometimes for a very long time, before awareness takes place. And this difficulty is never a sign of weakness: it can be explained.

1) The hierarchical link creates a balance of power

When the person who denigrates, puts pressure or destabilizes is also the one who validates the goals, the career development, the increase... Speech freezes. Saying no may seem risky, recalling an executive can be scary, alerting may seem dangerous.

Hierarchy acts like a lock: it reduces room for maneuver, sometimes blocks access to discourse, and may encourage self-censorship.

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2) The phenomenon is often gradual and therefore difficult to identify

One day a remark, another a subtle humiliation, then a meeting where you feel exposed, evaluated, diminished. Nothing spectacular, just a slip. It is precisely this progressiveness that blurs perception: We get used to it, we trivialize, we cash.

👉 Bullying doesn't happen all of a sudden, it happens by accumulation, and the accumulation is not always visible.

3) Inner doubt clouds judgment

The victim questions himself, self-analyzes himself, questions himself:

• “I need to improve my results, it's normal for him to be hard on me.”
• “Maybe I'm being dramatic.”
• “Others are getting by, why not me?”

Guilt and the fear of exaggerating are powerful obstacles. They prevent naming what is going on, and delay seeking help.

4) Fear of consequences stops speech

Even when violence is clearly identified, taking action can seem dangerous.

We fear:

• To be judged as fragile or not performing well;
• To be sanctioned, put on the shelf;
• To lose his job;
• To not be heard or taken seriously.

The fear of experiencing worse by speaking out is sometimes stronger than the suffering itself.

Warning signs to spot in the face of managerial harassment

Identifying managerial harassment often starts with a hunch: something is wrong. Then come the signs, sometimes subtle, sometimes obvious. Identifying them makes it possible to get out of the blur, to put words into words, and to consider concrete actions. These signals can appear in the manager's behavior, in your feelings, or even at the team level.

MoreOne in three employees (35%) has already been a victim of harassment at work during his career. 76% of events take place in front of witnesses, including 45% in front of colleagues, which can create a deleterious atmosphere for the whole team (source: The workplace harassment barometer - Qualisocial x Ipsos (2022)

The signs in the manager's behavior

They can be visible and direct, or on the contrary discreet and repeated; it is their frequency and impact that must first of all be observed.

• Humiliating remarks, sarcasm, public criticism;
• Assignment of unrealistic goals, contradictory injunctions;
• Intrusive surveillance, permanent micro-management;
• Implicit threats: evaluation, bonus, career development;
• Voluntary exclusion: meetings, emails, essential information;
• Discredit or systematic devaluation of the work provided.

To remember: A manager can be demanding but not demeaning, threatening, or destructive.

The signs that appear in the victim of harassment

The body and emotions are often the first to speak, sometimes even before consciousness.

• Anxiety before going to work, disturbed sleep;
• Loss of trust, difficulty speaking;
• Fear of doing wrong, hyper-vigilance, self-censorship;
• Persistent fatigue, irritability, low energy;
• Feeling of injustice, sadness, personal devaluation.

Work should never cause doubts about its value.

Signals that concern the team or the environment

Because a harassing manager only ever impacts one person, the climate often bears the brunt of it.

• High turnover, frequent absences, resignations;
• Tense atmosphere, unsaid, information withholdings;
• Collaborators who isolate themselves or keep quiet in meetings;
• Climate of fear, heightened competition, lack of solidarity.

When several people turn off, burn out or leave, these are all signals not to be ignored.

How to react when you are a victim of managerial harassment: 4 concrete tips

Once the signals are identified, the question that often arises is:”What can I do now?“. We can feel powerless in front of a supervisor, but there are levers, to be activated gradually, depending on the situation, your security and your energy of the moment.

1) Objectify the situation to get out of the blur

The first instinct is toSet up a factual reference system. Not to convince yourself but to establish a reality.

Keep track of:

Contradictory emails, messages, instructions;

• Dates, concrete facts, statements made, context;
• Elements showing an impact on work (load, associated delays, induced errors);
• Possible names of witnesses.

Your feelings are legitimate, but facts are your allies.

2) Get out of isolation: talk to someone about it

Silence amplifies suffering. Speech, on the other hand, opens up new possibilities.

You can confide in:

• A trustworthy colleague;
• A representative of the CSE;
• Occupational medicine;
• Your HR department;
• An occupational psychologist or an external consultant.

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The aim is not to “complain”, but to Put words and get an outside perspective, sometimes necessary to measure the extent of what we are going through.

3) Set up a framework, if possible and without putting yourself in danger

Sometimes a clear, poised and assertive reframing may be enough to stop a drift, especially when the manager is not aware of the impact of his actions.

Examples of possible formulations:

• “I hear your request, but I can't fulfill it within this time frame. This is a realistic proposal.”
• “These remarks are putting me in trouble. I want us to communicate in a respectful way in order to move forward.”
• “When you talk to me that way, I lose my means. Can we agree on a different way of working?”

The aim is not conflict, but regaining control over the situation.

4) Activate remedies if the situation persists or worsens

When dialogue is no longer possible or the situation deteriorates, it is time to rely on the institutional resources.

You can:

• Officially report the situation to HR;
• Request an adjustment or a change of position if necessary;
• Report the facts to the CSE, which can trigger an internal investigation;
• Alert the Labour Inspectorate;
• Consider filing a complaint for bullying as a last resort.

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To alert is not to betray, it is to protect yourself.

Defending yourself in the face of a harassing manager is never easy. It is not a path that one takes in one block, but a series of steps, sometimes tiny, towards more security, of respect, of consideration.

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No longer subject, act together

Managerial harassment is not a marginal issue. It cuts across organizations, affects mental health, disrupts professional trajectories and lastingly weakens trust at work. However, 7 out of 8 companies have not implemented the necessary measures to combat workplace harassment, which shows how inadequate prevention and support are still inadequate (source: The workplace harassment barometer - Qualisocial x Ipsos (2022).

However, taking action is possible. We can prevent, detect, support. Practices can be changed to sustainably transform life at work.

Qualisocial is part of this global approach. We support organizations to prevent, detect and deal with harassment situations, by combining:

• Awareness & prevention: training courses, conferences, workshops, internal campaigns to raise the awareness of all actors.
• Alert systems & report processing: internal (with collection training) or external (with analysis and relay provided by our teams).
• Investigations, mediation, psychological support: surveys conducted with neutrality, listening devices, support for affected persons.
• Coaching & managerial transformation: individual or group programs to change positions, practices and leadership styles.

Because a manager is not always malicious in his intentions, sometimes he lacks points of reference, tools, perspective. And becauseHelping a manager change means protecting an entire team. At Qualisocial, we believe that it is possible to move forward differently: with courage, dialogue, pedagogy and support.

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