Managing your manager: how to do it?

Are you not satisfied with the nature of your collaboration with your manager, and/or with the quality of your professional relationships?

Your manager can be a valuable ally in allowing you to evolve in a stimulating work environment, in which you feel listened to and where your skills are recognized. On the other hand, when things go wrong, or at least when there are irregularities in your collaboration, the situation can quickly become very uncomfortable for you.

So, how do you “manage” your manager to start from a healthy base?

Managing your manager: for what?

Do you want to succeed in “managing” your manager? The success of this challenge depends above all on the definition of your objective (s) behind this approach.

You need to start by clearly identifying your bottlenecks in writing in order to successfully implement an effective strategy:

• What is wrong with your manager? What is stopping you from doing your job ideally? How would you like things to develop?
• Are you having problems communicating with him or her? Do you need more autonomy? Do you lack vision on your missions or do you have the feeling that you are often working in a hurry? etc.

Once the difficulties encountered have been precisely identified, you can set yourself one or more goals to achieve:

• communicate more fluidly with your manager;
• be able to carry out missions in greater autonomy;
• work with clear and detailed backplanning according to priorities, etc.

It is on this basis that you can draw up a realistic action plan, which will take into account the particularities of the relationship between you and your manager.

Be constructive

Sincerity, perspective and professional ethics must be at the heart of your approach. The idea is not to manipulate to achieve your goals, but to co-build a more harmonious relationship, which will be beneficial to all.

This involves several things, including:

• Respect your commitments and try to be as exemplary as possible in your work : if you want your manager to improve on a point or two, it is normal that you too do your best. There is no doubt that your manager will be more likely to question himself when faced with a committed employee.
• To be a provider of solutions : are you reporting a problem or do you have a disagreement with your manager? Don't wait for him or her to completely unblock the situation for you. Suggest possible solutions, or workarounds, and ask for their opinion.
• Know how to recognize your wrongs : no one is perfect, and in a deteriorated managerial relationship, the employee can also bear his share of responsibility. Take the time to think about what you could do differently to make things better and feel free to share the results of your thoughts with your manager.
• Observe a certain reserve : your exchanges with your manager are confidential and concern only you and him or her. Avoid sharing too many details at the coffee break.

Respecting these few basic principles will help you build a climate of trust, which is essential to go further.

Communicate and express your needs clearly

Your manager is not a fortune-teller: express your expectations and needs to him. Each employee has their own mode of operation: some need to be briefed in detail, others need to be more relaxed, some always try to excel, others have a great need to listen, etc.

If you don't clarify your expectations and needs to your manager, he/she is likely to fumble for a while before being ready, and that's normal.

Opening a dialogue on the issue, and asking him or her how he or she works, his habits, the things he or she feels are essential for a fruitful collaboration, etc., will put all the chances on your side to succeed in finding a way of working together that suits everyone.

How do you go about it in concrete terms?

You can use the OSBD approach, which is particularly valuable in this case. The OSBD method is a great way to communicate effectively, in a caring way, by making sure that the messages are getting through and that your manager knows what you want from him or her:

• Observation : this first phase consists in observing the situation, objectively and without judgment. You need to be able to state the facts as objectively as possible.
• Feeling : in a second step, you can express your feelings. Put into words the emotions that are going through you.
• Need : you can then specify your needs (listening, sharing, motivation, etc.).
• Request : finally, this last step is an incentive to take action. You clearly share a request with your manager, who will contribute to meeting the need expressed above. Be careful not to fall into accusations: formulate your request clearly and positively.

Good to know : In general, use the “I”. By starting your sentences with a “you” or a “you”, your manager may feel attacked. That is not the point.

Get in the habit of giving feedback

As an employee, we necessarily expect feedback from our manager, to know if our work is satisfactory, and if certain things could be improved, in order to always be able to do better.

It's the same for your manager: to be able to move forward and become a better manager, he/she needs feedback. Nobody wants to be a bad manager.

All feedback is welcome, the key is knowing how to present things in a relevant and caring way:

• Positive feedback : it is the one that should be preferred above all. Highlighting successes, things that worked, is a powerful positive reinforcement process that we tend to forget.
• Negative feedback : it is sometimes essential to prevent a situation from escalating, and for lasting discomfort to take hold in your home.

Whatever the content of your feedback, the recipe for it to be well received, and therefore effective, is as follows:

• It should be as objective as possible. : base your remarks on facts, observations. This should in no way lead to a value judgment.
• He has to be sincere : it is by being honest and authentic that your feedback will hit the mark.
• It has to be constructive : criticizing for the sake of criticizing is counterproductive. Feedback should be an open door to areas for improvement, recommendations, etc.

To note : to discuss with your manager, choose a point, or a lunch for example, one-on-one. What should be avoided at all costs is the exchange between two doors, where the conditions are not conducive to a substantive discussion.

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